Cruising the aisles of Wal-Mart again in search of a bottle of juice, I happened upon an interesting concept in the clothing department. Why I was in the clothing department I have no idea--perhaps I believed that the racks of coats had treasure troves of Sobe concealed in their depths.

In any case, I was aimlessly wandering in the underwear aisle, hopelessly lost, making plans to ration the stale cheese cracker crumbs that inexplicably turn up in the pockets in my jeans, when I saw something that took my mind off my troubles.

There was a pack of underwear, in an atrociously garish pink, that proudly proclaimed, "Doubles as a pencil case!" A moment's confusion as to how one encased pencils in skimpy underclothes led me to the belief that the package itself was the pencil case, reinforced by the fact that it had a zipper shaped like a pencil.

I contemplated this item with much confusion, as I could not think of a single object I keep in my pencil case that I would keep nestled within a sheath of princess-themed panties. Highlighters, for instance, have an irksome habit of throwing their caps in the air spontaneously, and as my highlighters are yellow, it would have the appearance of a very unfortunate accident occurring. The red marking pen would not even be worth consideration.

Moving on to the wooden pencil, there is a distinct possibility for considerable pain, as small splinters of wood could easily get lodged in the most tiresome places. Mechanical pencils fall by the wayside with essentially the same argument. My miniature stapler, that goes off without warning at times, I shall pass over without comment.

At this point, my sister caught up with me, and I rejoiced. I would not have to resort to eating fingernail clippings after all. Before we left for civilization once more, I showed her the package. I rhapsodized on the dangers of the common pencil. I waxed lyrical on the atrocities a misplaced staple could do. She looked at me oddly, and then made the revolutionary comment that the intent might have been to remove the underclothes before adding the pencils.

AotA signing off.