Drivel, tripe, rubbish and suchlike.

Astonishing discovery!

2007-11-04T17:22:08+01:00

I promised myself that this would not be a video gaming blog. After all, there are many people out there who do it much better and more frequently than me. I cannot compete. Nevertheless, I had to share this revelation with you.

We all know and love the Super Smash Brothers game series. From its humble beginnings on the N64, it grew to be quickly popular. However, why would it begin on the N64? It can technically be played in 2D.

In addition, the title is rather odd. While just about every other game released for the N64 had "64" stuck onto the end of its name, the Smash. Bros. series was a notable exception. In the SNES era, most games were prefixed with Super. The title of the series is Super Smash Brothers.

It is my duty to conclude, therefore, that this game was originally an ambitious project designed for the SNES.

As far as I have been able to gather, the Nintendo people wanted a good clean fighting game--this was in the time before ESRB ratings, when Nintendo was extremely anxious to be kid-friendly. All other fighting games of the time involved too much violence, and that did not translate well the the SNES. (For instance, the infamous Mortal Kombat port.)

They thus wanted to create a fighting game that would not involve elements of violence, other than a bit of the "cartoonish" sort. Thus Super Smash Brothers was born.

However, they realized that this game was a lot trickier to make than it was thought to be. As the game was already planned late in the life of the SNES, it was quietly moved to the N64 and there completed. However, in order to get it out, they had to cut a lot of detail from it: some characters, some stages, etc.

This also explains why some obscure characters such as the Ice Climbers were in Melee. They were intended for the original but had to be cut, partly because they had deadlines to meet and partly because Nintendo was unsure whether they would be popular enough. Ness, who ended up being an unlockable character in Smash Bros., faced the same conundrum but luckily made it in.

And, for final proof, for those last people who doubt my word, I have a screenshot.

AotA signing off.

Comments

No

2007-09-25T21:07:32+02:00

No, I am not finishing my saga. If you are desperate to know, you can read it yourself.

Coming up: The Real Story behind Fairy Tales

Comments

The Circles of Hell, Part 2

2007-09-10T20:39:12+02:00

At the conclusion of the previous part, I had reviewed the neighborhood of the fifth circle of hell. Therefore, I continue from there.

We now continue to the city of Dis. This city houses all the lower circles. This seems ominous, but there may yet be possibilities therein. The sixth circle is for heretics, who are imprisoned in tombs of fire. This seems to have possibilities; I like heat. I am a creature of warmth. I take baths at temperatures others only dream of. However, the fact that it is a fiery tomb is a slight damper on this promising circle. I like to walk around and see the sights. If it were a fiery robe that I had to wear forever, for instance, this would be quite a suitable accommodation. However, although the housing seems promising, the fact that there is no getting away from it lowers it slightly in my estimation. However, I shall still consider this option.

The seventh circle, a three-part affair for violent people, is guarded by the Minotaur. This I like. A good security system is a must-have in neighborhoods everywhere. Once past the Minotaur, the circle is subdivided into 3 rings. The outer ring is for people who are violent against people and property. Their punishment is to be placed in a river of boiling blood, and those who have sinned more get to be buried deeper. This ring is also patrolled by centaurs. I am very impressed with the on-duty security, and the well-maintained hot spring is very impressive. The fact that it is a spring of blood is a little disheartening, but on the whole, this seems a pleasant enough little community.

The second ring is for people that have committed suicide as well as those who wasted all their money and ruined their life. This ring is a sharp contrast to the previous welcoming accommodations. The people who have committed suicide are turned into spiky bushes, and those who wasted all their worldly possessions have to run through the bushes and be eternally scratched by them while being chased by vicious dogs. In summary: No housing at all, no animal control, and no Weed-Whackers. This ring needs no further investigation.

The inner ring contains people who are violent against art, nature, and God. There is a great desert with fire raining from the sky. Those who are violent against God lie down on the sand, those who are violent against art sit on the sand, and those who are violent against nature wander about in groups. Even ignoring the fact that I am not eligible for this circle, this ring does not appeal at all. The risk of fire damage is too high, and there is no mention made of any shelter or housing. This ring, I think, we may leave without further ado.

The really intense circles of hell, I fear, must wait until later, when I have more time.

AotA signing off.

Comments

The Circles of Hell, Part 1

2007-09-07T21:21:58+02:00

I was reading Dante’s Inferno, as my father has insisted that I must read more classic literature. He suggested many possible books, but I selected the Inferno because I wanted, among other things, to reserve my spot ahead of time, and thus reserve a nice bit of lakeside property, and perhaps even a swimming pool in the backyard.

Apparently, the first circle of hell is reserved for those who have not been baptized. I have no idea if I have been baptized or not, although I probably haven’t been. So, the first circle may, perhaps, be a good choice of abode. Also, it seems that there is a faint possibility of getting out of said circle after a while, so this seems a rather advantageous location. Still, I like to keep my options open, so I will consider the other circles as they come.

The second circle is for those who have been ruled by lust and libido. Apparently, they are continually blown about by strong winds. This circle does not appeal to me at all. Firstly, the last thing that I am ruled by is lust. On those days in which I get 3 hours of sleep, I am ready to swear that the thing does not exist at all. Of course, on those rare days when I actually get a sufficient amount of sleep, it is quite a different story, but I think we may safely discard this option. In addition, these strong winds seem to be indicators of frequent storms and suchlike, and tornados likely ravage the place. This is not a good spot to build a comfortable abode at all.

The third circle, the next stop on my journey, is for the gluttons of the world. As far as I can tell, they lie in mud being rained on, hailed on, and snowed on. As if this wasn’t irksome enough, they are also being consumed by a three-headed dog. This circle is no more promising than the last. I am not a glutton, although I enjoy good food and suchlike as much as anybody else, and the weather is nowhere near ideal. The rain might be all right, but from the given description, it seems to be acid rain filtered through a nuclear reactor. The hail and snow are right out. Therefore, let us cast this aside and head to the fourth circle.

Circle number four is for avaricious and greedy people, and they bash weights against each other. This seems, to me, more promising. I do not know if I am that greedy of a person, except when it concerns my personal funds, in which case there is no mercy. The noise might be troublesome from the neighbors, but it can be no worse than having roofers working on the house down the street. Pushing weights, after all, is quite good exercise and can build up the upper body strength. Circle number four is a definite possibility, although no mention of lakeside property is made.

The fifth circle is for those individuals filled with wrath. Their punishment is to fight with each other and rend each other to pieces. This circle seems to have possibilities, as I am rather wrathful at times, and I can generally hold my own in a decent fight. Also, they are indeed by the lake, although it is more of a mud hole, and this was my chief desire. This mud hole also holds within its depths the ranks of the depressed, as apparently they are sinful as well. They cannot speak, as they are continually being choked by the mud in their throats. This is a darker side of this circle, which previously seemed decent if a little rough. We also find people dripping with mud, who were arrogant in life and now have nothing to be proud of. I am ont This neighborhood is much more sinister than it appeared at first sight, and unless they start a Neighborhood Watch, I shall decline to reside here.

We get into the serious circles of hell…NEXT TIME!

Cue cheap suspense music.

AotA signing off.

Comments

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, WONDERFUL SPAM!

2007-09-06T18:14:32+02:00

As I cruised through my email, my spam box caught my attention. As of today, I have 584 emails in my spam box, having cleaned it out only a month before. I decided to take a judicious sampling of these emails, in case some vitally important information had been sandwiched between offers of free cars, free cell phones, free porn, and free spam.

The first email that caught my attention claimed, as far as I could tell with the atrocious spelling, that I had a 1 in 2 chance of winning a Playstation 3. Now, setting aside the fact that this is strictly opposed to every moral sense I have, or rather every moral sense that I allow to speak when I have nothing else to do, there is a facet of basic mathematics that does not make sense here. Let us say that 10,000 people respond to this spam. This is likely an underestimate. Therefore, about 5,000 should win, and since the Playstation 3 costs $499 at its cheapest, they would end up paying approximately $2,495,000 for these Playstations. So, thus, I may expect to get, at most, a shiny box, plus the malware of my choice.

The next email tells me that, apparently, I have a pressing need for Viagra to enter my life. Now, I must admit that I was a bit incensed at this. Firstly, these people have not even bothered to identify my gender. Secondly, even if I were male, why do you assume I would need said assistance? Do you know me? How can you doubt my theoretical virility from that far a distance? This email is discarded without further ado.

I continued to skim through, but there was nothing novel, nothing original, nothing that inspired me to gaze into the depths of their virus-ridden souls. However, when I saw an email that offered me a free copy of Halo 3 if I replied within the next week, I grew interested. As a matter of fact, this game is the one object that I need to make my life complete. My life savings are going towards this game. However, as the game comes out on September 25th, I am forced to doubt the veracity of this claim.

I browsed further, but I gained no other fresh insights. I therefore emptied my spam box with all haste. However, checking my email the next day, I found 57 new spam messages. Their persistence is really quite admirable.

AotA signing off.

Comments

Two things that really shouldn't be combined.

2007-08-30T21:05:24+02:00

Cruising the aisles of Wal-Mart again in search of a bottle of juice, I happened upon an interesting concept in the clothing department. Why I was in the clothing department I have no idea--perhaps I believed that the racks of coats had treasure troves of Sobe concealed in their depths.

In any case, I was aimlessly wandering in the underwear aisle, hopelessly lost, making plans to ration the stale cheese cracker crumbs that inexplicably turn up in the pockets in my jeans, when I saw something that took my mind off my troubles.

There was a pack of underwear, in an atrociously garish pink, that proudly proclaimed, "Doubles as a pencil case!" A moment's confusion as to how one encased pencils in skimpy underclothes led me to the belief that the package itself was the pencil case, reinforced by the fact that it had a zipper shaped like a pencil.

I contemplated this item with much confusion, as I could not think of a single object I keep in my pencil case that I would keep nestled within a sheath of princess-themed panties. Highlighters, for instance, have an irksome habit of throwing their caps in the air spontaneously, and as my highlighters are yellow, it would have the appearance of a very unfortunate accident occurring. The red marking pen would not even be worth consideration.

Moving on to the wooden pencil, there is a distinct possibility for considerable pain, as small splinters of wood could easily get lodged in the most tiresome places. Mechanical pencils fall by the wayside with essentially the same argument. My miniature stapler, that goes off without warning at times, I shall pass over without comment.

At this point, my sister caught up with me, and I rejoiced. I would not have to resort to eating fingernail clippings after all. Before we left for civilization once more, I showed her the package. I rhapsodized on the dangers of the common pencil. I waxed lyrical on the atrocities a misplaced staple could do. She looked at me oddly, and then made the revolutionary comment that the intent might have been to remove the underclothes before adding the pencils.

AotA signing off.

Comments

The joys of shopping for school supplies.

2007-08-30T04:16:58+02:00

In my family, shopping for school supplies is not done in a day. Whenever I point out the fact that it could very easily be completed in a few hours, I am told, ":Well, Rome wasn't built in a day!" This saying I accept in peace, as building Rome is, in my estimation, of an equivalent difficulty to getting my parents to acquire school supplies.

The Great School Supply Extravaganza (GSSE) begins, generally, about a week before school. This is the point at which the idle talk about getting school supplies someday, perhaps next month, subsides and the siren song of "School starts in a week! Why didn't you remind us!" begins.

After all the screaming and bemoaning ends, we finally get around to purchasing school supplies. By now, it's Wednesday, and school starts the next Monday.

The GSSE begins by deciding to head off to Wal-Mart. Easy, yes? As it turns out, it is not easy. Before my mother is in a fit state to go anywhere, she first needs to make a list of every conceivable item that I might ever need in my school career. I wait through notebooks, lined paper, binders, pencil cases, and Post-It notes. However, when we get to index card holders and small stapler sets, I stop her before she gets in the range of accordion notebooks and hourly planners.

Having made the list, we set off at last. However, before getting out of the driveway, my mother utters a shriek. This shriek seems to indicate world wars, pillars of flame, and Armageddon. Already making plans to evacuate my game systems, I ask, tremblingly, what the problem is.

As it happens, she had left her cell phone in the house.

We go through the same thing for the list, the keys, and the wallet before finally leaving. As we arrive at Wal-Mart and walk in the door, my mother remembers that she left the list in the car.

5 minutes later, we finally enter the confines of the store. We head for the school section, which is in the middle of the store. Always. It can also be found by the horde of vicious people around it, those who MUST have the last package of highlighters.

Getting the cases for the flashcards proved easy, as did the obtaining of highlighters, Post-It notes, and other such items. However, there then arose the notebook problem.

My mother's idea was to get a notebook for each subject; an admirable idea. However, when I pointed out that each notebook she had chosen was a 3-subject notebook, things got rather heated.

I pointed out that, as I was not to my knowledge taking 21 subjects, this was unnecessary expense. She retorted with the comment that each notebook was so small that I would easily use them all up. I noted that, as I had a binderful of notepaper, there waqs no worry about that. Her response was to pick up a 5-subject notebook and add it to the pile.

After that had been settled thusly, there came the search for a suitable backpack. I will gloss over the details of the hideous pink-and-blue object which my mother was determined to get, and shall merely note that, at long last, we ended up with the black roller backpack that I carry.

This concluded Wednesday's adventures, leaving time for the stuff to gather a fine sample of dust.

After a break to reassimilate our forces, we went off for clothes on Saturday. Our first shop was at the shoe store, where I decided on my pair within 5 minutes and then waited half an hour for my sister to make up her mind whether she wanted brown or black shoes. The Mary Janes we shall pass over utterly.

We then ventured over to Macy's. In clothes, my mother's taste and mine differ utterly. She favored the shapely, polka-dotted stripper outfits, while I favored the formless T-shirt. The attempt to get me in skirts was really unspeakable. We eventually compromised with a few normal T-shirts and a few shirts that have cleavage down to my belly button. The fact that I have a pair of pants with 6 lovely deep pockets, however, makes up for the whole experience.

Sunday was the day for getting the things that really should have been obtained a long time ago, such as a ruler for me and a planner for my sister. This is the most frenetic day of all. It is also the day when my mom swore to return the clothes that did not fit well.

Today, Wednesday, is the day that I bought the stuff that I need for my class, including a planner, markers, and more Post-It notes. (Whoever absconded with my pack, I would really love to have it back.) My mom has still not returned the clothes. She has, however, added the backpack to the list of returning items, as the strap has snapped off within 2 days.

AotA signing off.

Comments